Wit

A short story:
When I was young, I mean very young, like four or five years old, I was afraid of many things: Loud noises, bridges, and heights—especially heights, even in my dreams. Perhaps it was because I had a bad habit of falling down stairways, and falling out of bed, and falling off my feet. I was a very clumsy and scared kid.

Anyway I, as a youngin’ had had just about enough of this fear thing. It was getting in the way of me being a kid.

So I started without anyone telling me to, to lucid dream my way out of some of this fear. I began by imagining myself standing on a large platform in the clouds with the farmland beneath me. I would feel the wind and the ever so gentle sway of the platform. In my image the platform extended all the way back down thousands of feet to land. I was terrified and often woke up right then in the dream, but later I would be able to stay with it. And in my dream I would crouch down and hide toward the middle of the platform. In each dream I would make the platform smaller and smaller. This took me a few months, as I didn’t lucid dream every night, but when I found myself awakened to this dream this is what I did.

Eventually the platform became about two square feet of surface to crouch down onto and I was by this time feeling much surer of myself. As it happened one night I envisioned myself on this small platform, swaying with the breeze, up in the clouds and standing, not afraid of the height.

It worked.

When I was awake in the real world I had no more fear of heights; a healthy respect, yes but no more gut-wrenching fear. And I fell less often. I began to have dreams of flying.

So this is how I knew that there was a real space inside my head where I could work out problems of real life. This was my first realization.

My second realization came in the form of small snippets of visions of things yet to come. They could be so trivial like parts of a conversation or parts of a park I had yet to have or visit. I often had déjà vu and it interested me because I grew to know I could trust it. More often than not the visions of a future moment, whether they came to me in a dream or in a waking moment, in time would bear out to be true.

I tried to explain this to people but the only one who would listen was my Aunt Betsy. We would visit her infrequently. She would always read my palms and tell me about my future. I don’t think my parents took her too seriously because they left me alone with her a lot. She would talk to me about my dreams and my future. She was the family’s “Strange Aunt Betsy” and she was very special to me. She opened me up the idea of fortune telling and eventually the world of occult knowledge, that would be my questing place.

I had other lucid dream experiences at night like a lot of flying dreams and what had to be out-or-the-body experiences at night; or day time depending on if I was flying in the sunshine or not. This would even happen during short naps.

And it still seems like I have a psychic connection with whatever pets I have at the time. I can call them with out speaking from another room just by placing them in my awareness. That is when I can empty my awareness of everything else at the time. It is picture talk and emotional talk—and by talk I just mean some kind of thought conveyance is going on. I don’t really know how it works.

When I was young I was afraid to dance in front of people and I used to do a thing that I thought was quite strange at the time: I would dance by myself to music and in my dance I thought that my movements where powerful. I imagined that I had the power of entrancing my audience with my dance. Little did I know that I was most likely raising energy and a cone of power for myself. I always felt so good after doing that but I always felt so strange for doing it. Conflicts abounded in my head for a good long time.

To date I don’t dance like I used to: foot and knee operations have made it difficult, but I can still cut a rug from time to time for a short while.

Just after I turned ten I envisioned my father leaving us. My vision was correct and the very last time I saw him I knew it was forever. I also knew I was not to tell him. I still remember that kiss to his brow I gave him and our last hug in the rocking chair by the hearth. This was something that proved to me that psychic things do exist in the real world not just in my mind. This was my third realization.

I always take my visions and intuitions seriously after that. No matter how far fetched or unlikely they might seem.

More to the point I envisioned drones before they were developed, coming at me from low in the sky. (Only at the time I thought they were missiles but missiles don’t hover so I was completely perplexed by it) I also saw that famous American Airlines Flight 191 come down sideways over the airport in Illinois in 1979, a year or two before it happened. I also saw the Groom Lake area years before it was televised and admitted to, on many of my nightly flights over the area 51 and the desert. Why I flew over this area in my dreams I don’t know to this day. I also saw the underneath of the twin towers when everyone was instructed to run for the river to try to get out of the way of the “smoke”.

In some of these dreams, which is stranger still, there were often military men. These men would gather where I was at and forcibly look me in the eye and force me to wake up when I didn’t want to. Both the Area 51 complex and the Twin Towers incident had these features to the dreams. It was very unnerving. I swear I saw them putting something in the walls from the basement of the complex of the towers. And they certainly did not want me to see that either. I have never been to New York and I didn’t know what the towers were until I woke up September 11th before 9:30. Just in time to see the second plane hit. THAT was the psychic 2 X 4 that proved to me that I was really psychic. I had no more doubts after that.

Yes, I’ve seen a lot of things before they happened. All of which I could do nothing about and had no idea until after the fact.

When the towers came down and I saw that billowing “smoke” I knew I had seen that too.

I was so angry because I couldn’t understand why I was given these visions if I could do nothing to prevent them.

End of short story.

Thing is, once I started on head meds in my early 40’s that actually worked for me for the finally recognized bipolar disorder, I stopped having so many visions. But don’t think for a minute that I would come off of medication for any reason other than doctors orders. I have had far too many bad things happen to me including tactile hallucinations when I was ON the drugs as a breakthrough symptom. Only a fast switch to another helpful drug stopped that from happening. I don’t even think of stopping my medication. I consider it to be for me, a life-saving intervention.

Do I miss the visions? Not as much as you might think. I keep my mind busy with other things and if I have the feeling of deja’vu, I zero in on it and take from it what I can.

I hadn’t had any visions in a long time: Which also tells me in a way, that I had been on the wrong track for some time. Because when I follow what I love I have visions and synchronicities that I take as sign posts that I am going in the right direction with my life. I know, it’s a very shamanistic view of the phenomena but that’s just me.

Christianity didn’t really leave any sufficient answers for me all of my life, so I sought answers and understanding elsewhere early on, even though I graduated a Christian High school. The pull towards the occult was strong in this one, yet I was still very afraid. What if I was wrong? What if I was damning myself by searching out answers outside of the Bible? This caused numerous psychological battles with myself for me being, “psychic” in a Christian environment. I had a push-me, pull-you experience about the subject for most of my life.

I was on a quest for answers to my visions, dreams, apparent telepathy and general extrasensory stimulation from the natural world. I found paganism to be accepting of my experiences and supportive of my search for understanding and meaning. This is something that Christianity just did not offer me, so for this and other reasons I left it behind: Many times returning in a crisis of faith but finally leaving it entirely behind in search of a more spiritual than religious existence.

You see, I value experience more that someone else’s interpretations of events which I don’t even know to have happened. (This is what I take Christianity to be). And although I do value wisdom from others, experience is all that I have that is truly mine that I can trust. I cannot “put my soul up for grabs” based on someone else’s ideas. I must be true to myself. In paganism I find the ability to have this integrity. So this is why I am delighted to find myself invited to Coven Babylon.

What I can contribute I am not sure, for I am still finding myself in all this wonder of life we are living. However I can support and help the coven in anyway that I find myself capable. Currently I see that I can teach what I learn as I learn it all the better. So, yes, this I can do.

The last time I was in a coven was in 1996. We didn’t speak of any kind of tradition. It was pretty much all white light and niceties. We observed the Sabbaths and everyone including me took turns at holding a ritual or two. I don’t remember raising any kind of power there, nor do I remember any magickal or healing rituals worked. Nothing of a balancing dark or shadow existence was ever explored. It was unbalanced this way. Eventually it came apart as some of my coven mates wanted to learn magick, but they were not deemed ready by the High Priestess. Resentment then flowed into the coven and it imploded. I wasn’t interested in learning magick. I felt I already had my own kind what with my visions and connections to the natural world and all. I had stayed with it for 3 years and was the last to leave the HP’s side. At the end I was given the coven stone. It is unclear to me at the time what I was supposed to do with it. In my many travels unfortunately it was lost. I have forgotten so much of what I learned there. I look forward to a complete refresher course of learning.

I am hoping that I have found a home base for my spiritual explorations with Coven Babylon. I am hoping to have a deeper understanding of paganism and Wicca in particular. I am interested in the Gardnarian aspect of the coven because I’ve read and gathered that is a solid platform to learn from. I imagine I will garner some respect of having been taught in this tradition with other pagans who are knowledgeable of Wicca. That is fine with me because I take my spirituality seriously.

I am eager to begin. I want to enter this turn of the wheel and celebrate all the seasons and feel connected with the earth with like minded people. I wish to discover myself even more and deal with my own shadow self as I grow in love and balanced understanding for myself and others. I wish to be a part of something bigger than myself and to feel the camaraderie of a close knit group of spiritual seekers. I want to discover how to give of myself in ways that I as of yet can’t imagine for I am still exploring my strengths and talents. I feel that being a part of this coven will open that up in me and that I can add to the experience of others in their quest.

Wit

You must be logged in to leave a reply.